You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
