she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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