dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
