the condom got lost in my hair
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
