Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize