I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Be still, my beating vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
