My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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