Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
