Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
