She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
