haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
