Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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