theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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