Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
