There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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