If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
