I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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