i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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