So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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