Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
