I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
