i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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