he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
