I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
