You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
