If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
