all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
