How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
