Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
