When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
