worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
