Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
