i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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