let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
