3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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