she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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