The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
