theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
