my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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