I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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