Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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