The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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