I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
