I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We are all done wearing pants today
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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