Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
3pm strippers are depressing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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