Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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