OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
