I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
