I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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