im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
