11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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