T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
