Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
