I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
