Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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