i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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