I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
