Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
