We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
