Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
