is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
