I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize