Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
