Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it because I queefed?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my liver is dry heaving
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize