i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
