What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
