You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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