I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
