I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize