Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
