I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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