Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i out mim tonsoeep
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