That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
