You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
