Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
