Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
