VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
