an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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