Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
