i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
be right there i have to get my cape
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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