you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize