plz talk dirty to me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
