you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
